The beginning?

I'm not sure where to begin. I always knew something was off with myself ever since I could form an understanding about my mind. I remember being as young as 13 or 14 years old. I'd lie awake at night wondering about death, how was it going to happen, where I was going to go....even though I was raised in the Christian faith. But nothing shut my mind off and I couldn't control it. There's a lot of stuff that I would worry about and it wouldn't go away. When I was about 15 years old I developed a lot of feelings where I did not belong. I didn't feel complete. I thought that religion would help it. I joined the church being a teen pastor and I did all the things that my school taught me would make me happy. But it didn't work. I never got that happiness I never got that completeness even though I sought out God and made sure I was doing everything right. My life wasn't where I wanted to be and the feeling didn't improve for a long time. I would hope that the feeling would improve when I got older but it didn't. As a matter of fact it got worse especially as I got older. When I had my kids my anxiety ruined my life. I'm a Yeller. I'm also somebody who cannot tolerate loud noises, ticks,  sudden movements, and basically anything that would define people who live their life. But to me, some of it was unbearable to see or hear. I didn't realize that this was anxiety. I thought that I was just being crazy and I was maybe over emotional. I've never been able to help how I feel, I thought could get over it. I realize that what I was dealing with was much bigger than I anticipated. My grandmother went through all this stuff and she was on anti-depressants as well as anxiety medication. At that time no in 2000, we didn't really put Faith in depression or anxiety. It was more of a made-up illness. But now that I look back on it I realize how real it is and how I felt as a teenager and how I feel now as an adult. The first step is admitting that you have a problem as cliche as it sounds. So I'm hoping by making this blog I can start dealing with issues that I have, whether I can help it or not. I want to be able to cope with how I feel.