Constant Battle

The guilt of my actions is constantly on my mind. The overwhelming love that my husband seems to have for me makes me feel even worse. He's willing to work through all of this and to make sure that I can get better. But there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about what has happened or how he may feel or what I've been putting him through. He stands by me and makes sure that I have everything that I need to get better emotionally. I feel like the medications I'm on are not working and I need to try something different. I go through each day and wake up and hope for the next time I can go back to bed. I don't want to live like this so I'm hoping that it goes away soon. I have an appointment with my doctor this week and maybe she will have some insight. My mind keeps telling me what a piece of shit I am. How worthless I am and how my husband deserves more than this.

The battle in my mind is constant. Going through counseling I have realized that a lot of this points to the issues I've had for a really long time. I've just been able to stuff it away through different Avenues. But it's like I could no longer do it anymore especially with his support of my husband is. The nicer het s the more I feel like I don't deserve him.

I just want this mind fuck to end.